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Everybody wants a piece...
Apr. 2nd, 2009
09:10 am - True Story
I bike past a woman waiting for the bus. She is is a middle-aged African-American wearing a blue top and jeans. Her hair looks disheveled and her face looks anxious. The bus is probably late. She calls out, "Miss, that's it! I'm leaving this fucking country!" Me too, lady, me too.
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ennuiMar. 24th, 2009
01:50 pm - Big wheel keep on turning! Proud Mary keep on burning!
I just ordered the biggest duffel bag in all the land!
Mar. 23rd, 2009
09:08 am - Guten Tag Ich will mein Leben zurück
I think I'm going to try disconnecting a little bit. Or at least consolidating my internet life. I might take down this lj I dunno. The main thing is I'm changing my e-mail address. the aol one is getting too much junk. Hit me up at kelsi.loos@gmail.com. Thanks!
My grandma's funeral was Friday and the service was really short but nice. So many people showed up and gave their support. All of her surviving children were able to make it. Stauss and Walt came down and that meant the world to have them standing at the plot with me. I got to hold Emily and play with Jeffrey on the day before the burial and once we got back to my parent's house and everyone was there it was almost like a party. Grandma most definitely would have wanted it that way. There were pictures of her with my grandpa on the piano and I never realized how all of us kinda look like them. I think Caroline especially looks like her.
Walt and I then bolted up to Boston and had a good time apart perhaps from this one dinner fiasco that made us late for the concert Amy was promoting. I got to meet Amy's dog, watch the second Ace Ventura and finally fully appreciate that while I love visiting Boston, I was never meant to live there. Good times. It was cool to introduce Walt to Mike because I think they would be friends if they didn't live several hundred miles away. I didn't get to talk to Mel much over the music but I can tell she's doing well for herself so I'm happy. It was short but sweet.
Mar. 17th, 2009
09:51 am - Happy St. Pat's day!
Everybody's a wee bit Irish today! (But some are more Irish than others... just like in Animal Farm).
Usually, I take this "holiday" a little too seriously. I try to really reflect on my bit of Irishness but this year I guess I just don't really feel like it. I'm really upset about the IRA attack but I am also relived that it was just some random crazies and not an organized resurgence. This year, like every year, I am annoyed that the amazing soap opera -No! Shakespearean tragedy!- that is Irish History will be reduced to lucky charms and green beer. But what should I expect? People doing public performances of Oscar Wilde? Reinacting the Easter Uprising? No... that doesn't seem very likely or particulary fun. Well... an Oscar Wilde performance sounds fun but then again, I'm a nerd. I got it! A Thin Lizzy cover band!!!
I'll leave you with this: Supposedly the Irish piece of my mom's family came over to America to evade police. He had stolen a cow. I don't know if it's true or not but I really like the idea of it anyway. Pretty gangster.
Mar. 13th, 2009
11:59 am - Metablog!
So, you all should have the message but just in case... I started a Peace Corps service specific blog.
http://cuerpodepazpanama.blogspot.com/
Mar. 9th, 2009
03:50 pm - Ferocious, the lyrical prognosis/ The dosage is leavin you mentally unfocused here
It's been so hard to focus on the present lately and it's kind of getting annoying. I feel like I've mentally checked out of work even though I have about a month left. I've been moving at a snail's pace and it's going to catch up with me. I feel like I've mentally checked out of Baltimore. Gotta get it together.
Mar. 5th, 2009
06:51 pm - Caveats...
Ok... the truth is I don't want to get bitten by a fer-de-lance and I don't want a bot fly to lay its babies in me. That's not ok. Cuz then I'd be dead and or really grossed out. That's about it though. It's ok.
01:06 pm - Ok here we go...
It's about time I put down some thoughts on Panama that weren't totally negative and later deleted. I'm psyched. I'm going to miss everybody so much and there will be tears but... I'm psyched. Right now, I'm doing little mental exercises to get myself used to the idea of living there. I'm trying to remember the little details of "campo life" that I was exposed to briefly in Costa Rica as a way of warming up to the concept. Not there aren't distinctions between Panama and Costa Rica but... hey... they're neighbors so... It's the details that matter... will I miss warm showers? Probably not in 89 degree 100% humidity. Will I miss a toilet that flushes. Yes... yes I will. A lot. But that's ok. When I woke up this morning I remembered mosquito nets. I tried to imagine the sea of buggy life on the outside (well.. hopefully on the outside). That made me remember getting stung by a scorpion. It wasn't so bad but I'm going to do my best to not relive the experience. I remembered that you can do anything with a machete. Even chop down a tree. I've been trying to recall the severity of the male/female divide. Dealing with and abiding machismo is probably going to be one of the hardest parts of this job, especially considering I'll be on my own. It's pretty tough to be asked to be a community leader when you're not on equal footing. The tightness of the family structure (apart from the dads, of course) will be different, but it's something that I'm looking forward to. I feel like I'm up to the task of being functional and effective within Latino culture given a little time. If I'm placed in an indigenous community, well, that's another story. I don't know much aside from what volunteers are saying in blogs and stuff but that's what the training is for. I'm less scared that I was when I first got my assignment. There will be bugs and snakes. There will be awkward moments. I could get some of my stuff jacked. I will get sick/parasites but it'll all be ok. I have a job to do and I'm going to do my best and have a blast while I do it. And all y'all bamas gonna visit anyway so I ain't gonna miss ya :-)
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optimisticFeb. 13th, 2009
Jan. 26th, 2009
02:22 pm - A simple request:
When I die please don't post condolences on facebook. With any luck I'll outlive this crazy little thing called facebook but anyway. I would much prefer that you send a card to whomever might appreciate the sentiment. Better yet, give a phonecall. Facebook R.I.P.s are very, very unnerving, impersonal, and straight up weird. Thank you. That is all.
Jan. 20th, 2009
02:57 pm - The verdict is...
Not broken! Woo! Sadly I missed everything but the last few sentences of Obama's speech. I'm sure I'll be able to find it online somewhere.
08:44 am - Back to work
So... all things considered I had an ok weekend. Personally I've started coming to grips with my grandma's death, she WAS very sick, but it's still hard. That's ok though. It just takes time. It was my mom's birthday. She had vegan brownies that were pretty good. Band practice was good. I got to hang out with Walt a lot. I took off yesterday because when I got up I just didn't feel "ready" for the routine. I spent most of the day being nerdy and playing around on "learn German" sites. I read some, watched some tv and looked at the snow too. It was relaxing.
So today I was ready to come back to work but I'm really, really, really dumb and took my bike. Naturally, I hit an ice patch and fell on my arm in the middle of the ramp for 28th street exit for 83. In retrospect, I'm surprised I made it that far. This really nice lady stopped and asked if I needed a ride somewhere. Sometimes I'm amazed by strangers' kindness. I limped into work and everybody was really nice. My boss gave me a hug and a card signed by everybody. It's good to get back into it. My arm is pretty useless though. I hope it's just swelled up and not anything more serious. I'll see how it goes... I'm so freaking stupid.
Jan. 15th, 2009
05:14 pm - 10 things that will always remind me of Grandma Caroline
1. angel food cake
2. war (the card game)
3. blanket forts
4. army men
5. roasts (pot roast... roast chicken... you name it)
6. wilted salad
7. lincoln logs
8. buttermilk
9. tree forts
10. grass whistles
Jan. 13th, 2009
02:39 pm - "I asked my mother, what will I be?"
I had my employee evaluation today and it went pretty well. My boss said I don't really have to do the "career goals" portion because I've let them know that I will be leaving for God-Knows-Where soon, but I want do it anyway in the hopes that it will inspire me for the time that I AM here. It's got me thinking. I think a full on career in the non-profit might be the way to go. As long as you have a good premise, you will always be relevant in good economies and bad. You can go to bed at night knowing that, even when you feel like a failure, you tried. I would want to start my own though, I think. Just like everybody else :-) I've been joking with Caroline about a global project to arm women. (She's been reading up on human trafficking and all that awful stuff). I think it would be great to turn that into something serious... sort of a Woman's Defense Group. Not with guns of course but like... something that maybe teaches self defense courses and acts as a neighborhood watch. Ideally, there would be outreach to prostitutes and give them a safe(r?) way to get away from their pimps. Education and outreach would be the key. I definitely need to research what is already out there. I dunno... there would be no way to do that all at once but it's worth meditating on.
My Peace Corps application is done on my end as of yesterday and my understanding is that most volunteers, in addition to their regular duties, start what are essentially non-profit orgs while they are in the field. That would be some valuable experience to bring back. It would let me be the organizer as opposed to the grunt. But of course, things have come up in my life again that are making me not want to go. :-P. True that we haven't been together that long but I have the most awesome boy ever and if I don't give that a chance I'll just cry and cry and cry... then say WHATEVA! :-) Sigh, I guess it will never be "the right time". It's cold feet. It's a lack of a plan for the future. It's everything. I'll figure out where I want to go soon enough. Well, like I always say... sometimes you just have to say, fuck it.
hopefulJan. 12th, 2009
10:25 pm - Anybody want a 17 year old car with 200,000,000,000,000,000 miles on it?
My pops told me that I got another ticket from one of those camera speed traps today. The tickets get sent to his address still. I'm not really a lead foot, I just keep up with traffic, but those cameras keep ruining my life. Between this and the towing (where I was parked in a pay-to-park zone mind you... I didn't even think I should check for signs... you live you learn) I'm thinking I need to get rid of my car. I can't afford this nonsense. Because of some bad fiscal choices on my part I'll probably be skipping a lunch or two until payday (Die student loans!) so this is the last thing I need. Apparently, I'm not as responsible as I should be but it just seems that as soon as I learn from my mistakes... there is another one to learn from. Getting rid of my car is really tempting but it means that the only places I will be able to go are work and my parent's house, providing the light rail is working. That's some weak. I could bike up to Caroline's I guess but I would be pretty wiped by the time I got there. Enough is enough though. I'm tired of worrying about money. I'm tired of feeling drained all the time. You can only get so much blood from a stone before it's dust.
My boss keeps saying ominous things at work too so who knows if I'll even have any sort of income at all come next month. I might have to sell the car for parts (it won't sell in its current condition :-P) and move back home. OH WAIT! I forgot... my room is long gone. Well there is always the couch.
Well... thanks for letting me rant/ half joke. It makes me feel a lot better even if it is annoying too read. Seriously though, anybody want a car?
Jan. 9th, 2009
04:27 pm - while we're on the subject...
Looks like Hamas needs to give Israel some tips on their aim.
"Gaza health officials said that the overall death toll passed 784 on Friday, according to Reuters, with women and children making up about 40 percent of the dead. The Israeli death toll reached 13, including ten soldiers and three civilians."
The whole killing a UN aid worker and this bit:
"International attention has focused on an extended family of Palestinians in the Zeitoun district of Gaza City whom Israeli forces ordered to leave their separate homes and gather indoors at a single dwelling. The compound was later shelled."
sure isn't helping their image either. Usually when folks go wah wah wah Israel is the new Nazi, I'm like whatever but... that actually does sound exactly like what the Reich was up to... Blah. It's all so frustrating.
Dec. 22nd, 2008
06:30 pm - Interesting follow up to my last post...
Indie kids are the same the world over. Notice the sweet Rickenbacker bass, grandpa sweaters, ties, and rather precious antics. Nice song though. You feel like you've heard it before but in a good way, I guess.
It's also neat that he says something like "kom huis" and "velleicht"... well that's probably only interesting to other nerds. ALL THINGS ARE RELATED!!!
03:12 pm - They say that I'm a dreamer...
I'm having a lot of fun planning trips that I'm not going to take. I have a nice little surprise chunk of time off between the 30th and the 4th and I would love to do something with it. If I had known about my time off earlier I could have taken my buddy up on his offer to get together in NYC but, alas, I'm silly and now that door is closed. I've thought about going to Toronto (this one I might seriously do... even if I drag my poor sister along), Nashville, and Iceland. One thing I've learned is that it is expensive as all get out to get to Iceland plus I'm pretty sure no one would be up for going with me... at least on a week's notice :-P. I really would like to go someday but the only way to make it remotely attainable is to leave directly from New York during the middle of the week. Maybe I'll put a little planning into it and go for my b day. And of course couch surfing could just save my life. I'm not taking my sister couch surfing in Toronto though. That would be ridic. It's fun stuff to think about anyway.
I don't know. I'm just getting antsy again and it's time to hit the old dusty trail, even if it's only for 6 days. Baltimore is awesome but it's starting to choke a little bit.
I got to see my niece and nephew this weekend! She took a nap on me and I made him playdough frogs. We had early Christmas so between that and the office party, I'm finally in the spirit! God bless us everyone!
Hmm... I bet there are some cheap flights to Mexico...
anxiousDec. 16th, 2008
09:22 am - Eee
Weather like this always makes me think that the world is going to end tomorrow. Why is it so warm!!?? I feel like some medieval serf or something that sees an eclipse and then assumes that God has blown out the sun and the end-times are at hand. AHH!!! EVERYBODY PANIC!
I also don't know what to get my brother or my dad for Christmas, as usual. That is also panic inducing. Oh the holidays... I love 'em though.
Dec. 6th, 2008
10:12 am - In the words of Dusty Springfield...
I just don't know what to do with myself.
... at least my mom is making be responsible today. YEA moms!
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